Meridian Magazine - Blessed Are the Peacemakers

Meridian Magazine - Blessed Are the Peacemakers


This man has put into words understanding! ENJOY!

Meridian Magazine - Blessed Are the Peacemakers - Page 2

Meridian Magazine - Blessed Are the Peacemakers - Page 2

Sleepless in Seattle!

Tychon made sure to remind me he was my favorite grandson #2 and Estee was my favorite granddaughter #3! Isn't that the cutest??! And Dave is one proud father! Such a great dad!! Who do you think they look like? There is certainly alot of Preston in them!! WE had such a great time at the Great Wolf Lodge and then Bellevue with them all!! Good times!! What a good family and we love them. What more can I say???

Random Thoughts!

Elder Bednar said, "Commandments are "directions". They guide us,help us do things to lead us to Jesus Christ. Do we know why? Do we understand why? If we don't know the why then the power available of the doctrine of Christ will not be evident in our lives. If we do know the why, then that same power of the doctrine of Christ will become more available to us.

And I love this:
If you break the rules, then the rules will break you! Keep the commandments
You will receive light from the Lord and truth. We are happy, and they will give us guidance.

Also in listening to Sheri Dew's new talk on 4 things that wreck our lives, she says if she were the adversary and she wanted to wreck womens' lives, she would first get us to squabble and pick at each other! Women especially are the ones who do this very thing. The reason being is because there is a divine nature in women to nurture and Satan would do all in his power to destroy their purpose in being here on the earth. WOW, that is so evident. She pointed out that women have a sharp tongue and the early prophets had to pull the women together and tell them to "be nice".

So all you girls and women out there. Try with all your might to "be nice", to be nurturing and fulfill your mission here on the earth to love and bring relief to others suffering. Not add to it. I guess I have met a few mean spirited women in my time, but mostly because they have forgotten who they are and what kind of damage they do each time they succumb to it.

More later!

My Three Sons!

They make a good mix!! All with their own strengths, unique and amazing!!

Does a mother's heart good!

I just had to write a very short but one full of gratitude post today!! I don't know if that is good english, but it is a feeling of joy to see! I hope to post the picture of what it is I'm about to describe! BUT, my dear two sons, Jon and Nate went over to pick up our other dear son from Antelope Wells, New Mexico as he finished his big TOUR DIVIDE bike race. If you want to see the outcome and watch the SPOTS over the last three weeks in quick time go to tourdivide.org/leaderboard and find it. It is phenomenal to behold! It is a trip of perserverance, of diligence, of speed and of awe of nature. It is a trip of making new friendships with good people.
But what really is a sight to see is watching the reunion of your three sons, (wish Lara were there) hug their brother and welcome him. I couldn't ask for better sons. I love them so much! I love their wives, who support them and love them! I love their love of family amidst the busyness of their lives! Jon, gave us several days of his time, work and money to go, Nate gave of what time he had from his work. And also, their two wives get along so well, and LOVE to be together! I know Lara and Sundy would love to be there just laughing and sharing in all their interests and strengths. Each has strengths that benefits the others and they all get on so beautifully, it is a sight to behold. Makes me smile and cry at the same time.
Even though we live a distance apart, and we don't get to see each other often, are hearts are close and love is felt. I think that is how heaven will be. Busy but very connected.
Thank you Jon, thank you Rachael, thank you Nate and thank you Brittany for thinking of each other. That does a mother's heart good!

Peaceful Parenting

Teaching Our Children to Love and Serve Each Other (Part 2)
By H. Wallace Goddard

In the previous article http://meridianmagazine.com/myth/100617teaching.html we described a common sibling squabble and two of the most popular methods parents use to stop the battling: parental intrusion and lecturing. Both methods have a serious problem, they fail to teach children how to navigate their disagreements. I suggested five steps to help us engage our children and teach them to love and serve one another. In this article I discuss those five steps in more detail.

1. Engage your son in a gentle way. Harsh approaches arouse anxiety and block learning. The child becomes focused on our anger, entering a survival mode of thinking, and completely misses the message we are trying to communicate. Further, when we are upset, we are not able to parent effectively. In order to truly engage our children gently, we may need to take time out to get peaceful. If a situation requires immediate action, we might invite our children to also take a timeout in their rooms to prepare for a productive dialogue. But, even without their cooperation, the point is for us to get peaceful. It may take locking ourselves in our bedroom in order to pray and ask for guidance. When we’re finished, our spirits will be more at peace and ready to teach. God counsels us to use persuasion, long-suffering, gentleness, meekness, and genuine love. It is important to get his attention without arousing fear: “Son, we need to talk. Your sister is very upset by the way you treated her.”


2.: "I'm sure you didn't intend to hurt your sister’s feelings." We are often tempted to magnify the misdeeds in order to get our children to take our messages seriously. Yet when we “exercise control or dominion or compulsion upon the souls of the children of men, in any degree of unrighteousness, behold, the heavens withdraw themselves; the Spirit of the Lord is grieved” (D&C 121:37). In contrast, when we see our children through the lens of charity, we set the stage for love and learning. Just as we want to know our Heavenly Father still loves and sees the good in us when we mess up, our children need to know the same about their earthly parents as well. When we appreciate our children’s good intentions and sincere striving, we are more likely to find common ground.

3. Show that you understand your son’s point of view: "You just wanted to build without being distracted or interrupted." Compassion is the key to connecting. When accusation rather than compassion is in our hearts, we alienate. When, in contrast, I see from the child’s point of view, I am able to guide effectively. It may help us to remember how we felt when we were children and felt attacked or thwarted. Compassion is the heart of the healer’s art. Once the child is comforted, he is ready to learn.

4. Draw the child's attention to the distress of the victim: "When you ordered your sister to leave you alone, she felt sad. She felt that you don’t like to have her around. Maybe she even felt that you don’t like her.”
There are really two parts to this step. Just as the Lord teaches us in our minds and in our hearts (See D&C 8:2), so we must inform our children’s minds and hearts. Both are essential for right behavior.
We teach the mind about the law of the harvest—that timeless truth that we cannot sow weed seed and harvest a bounteous crop of grain. When we are unkind, we damage relationships. It is better to invite the child to learn his sister’s point of view: “I think your sister just wanted to be with you.”
We also train our children’s hearts. This is delicate work! Heart surgery cannot be done with sledge hammers. Rather we gently invite our children to feel love and compassion for their siblings. “You might not know that your sister looks up to you. She wants to be like you. I hope you can find a way for her to be with you while still accomplishing the things you set out to do.”
The objective in this approach is not for your son to be sunk in guilt but to be stirred to empathy and compassion. When we use harsh approaches with our children, they focus on their own distress and are likely to become stubborn and defensive. That’s not what we want. We want to help our children get outside their provincial view of their own needs and be able to see the needs of others.
We cannot rush this process. When the child protests, “But she is the one who messed up my work!” we do not have to argue. We return to the third step, showing understanding for his point of view: “It’s pretty frustrating, isn’t it!” When the child feels genuinely understood, then he is ready to learn in his mind and in his heart.
Help the child to feel genuine compassion for the one he has hurt. If we want our child to show compassion, we must model compassion. Naturally your child will resist your challenge: “She can’t start grabbing Legos when I’m building something.” We can argue that he shouldn’t be so unkind to his sister. And he will argue with us about his sister’s misdeeds. Rather than squabbling with the boy, we can show empathy: “It’s hard when you’re in the middle of a project and she interrupts you or starts using your Legos.” He does, after all, have a valid point. When we show him compassion, he is more able to show compassion for his sister. Incidentally, it may take several rounds of expressing understanding and compassion before he is ready to show compassion for his sister. Healing through compassion takes time, or, in the Lord’s language, “longsuffering and gentleness.”

5. Once the child feels understood (as evidenced by being calm and peaceful), then we can help the child think of a way to make repairs: "How could we help your sister feel loved and welcome without messing up your project?"
When hearts are right creativity can rule. “Maybe I could help her build a house” or “I could provide her with some of the blocks.” It is a joyous surprise when children feel safe and loved and naturally love and serve each other.

Any parent might reasonably protest that this process takes a lot of time. You’re right! Parenting is not quick, simple, or convenient. Parenting is a large and continuing sacrifice. Yet it is also true that, when we teach children correct principles, they are more likely to govern themselves in righteousness. An hour spent teaching them in their youth can save years of conflict, struggle, and waywardness.

In the midst of sibling conflicts, it is common to try to figure out which child is the offender. This is rarely productive. Each child makes mistakes. One child intrudes, another is stingy. Rather than try to weigh offences, we invite all toward repentance. In the above process, the focus was on the son’s repenting, but a parallel process could operate with the daughter. We could show her compassion and help her understand her brother’s need to be able to concentrate.
Getting our Hearts Right
Perhaps the greatest challenge to effectively teaching children is that we simply cannot do it right unless our hearts are right. We cannot teach peace while our souls are at war. We cannot teach them the principles of love and goodness while bubbling with anger or annoyed by distractions.
We draw on more of King Benjamin’s wisdom to learn God’s process. Let’s apply his general counsel to the task of parenting:

“For the natural [parent] is an enemy to God [and children], and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit . . .”
We must yield to the gentle promptings and invitations of the Spirit if we are to be good parents. A parent who does so . . .
“ . . . putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint . . .”

Becometh a saint! We become true followers and disciples of Christ. Through repentance we acknowledge our limitations and turn to Christ for better ideas and motivation. When we have the mind of Christ, we are prepared to parent effectively—to teach our children the right ways to relate to each other. How is this change in our approach accomplished? What power changes us?
“ . . . through the atonement of Christ the Lord . . .”
As Elder Bednar has taught us, the atonement not only cleanses us, it enables and strengthens us1. It is my conviction that we cannot parent as we should unless we allow the sweet peace and goodness that flows from Jesus to fill our hearts and souls.
What does the atonement look like in the daily lives of parents? It includes simple but powerful principles: having faith in the Lord, repenting of our improper acts, feelings, and thoughts, making promises to God, and drawing on the power of the Holy Ghost to change our souls.
Consider the wise counsel give by Amulek—and its application to the challenges of parenting:
Therefore may God grant unto you, my brethren, that ye may begin to exercise your faith unto repentance, that ye begin to call upon his holy name, that he would have mercy upon you; Yea, cry unto him for mercy; for he is mighty to save. Yea, humble yourselves, and continue in prayer unto him. Cry unto him in your houses, yea, over all your household, both morning, mid-day, and evening. (Alma 34:17-19, 21)
The Christlike parent recognizes our dependence on God, calls out for mercy, continues in prayer, and draws on the power of heaven. In parenting as in all things, He is the way, the truth, and the life.
The process of forming our children’s souls requires great wisdom and patience. This should not surprise us. God gives us the opportunity to care for His precious children in His effort to make us more and more like Him—the Perfect Parent.

You may be interested in Brother Goddard’s books such as Soft-Spoken Parenting, Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage, and Between Parent and Child. For more information about his books or his schedule at Education Week, visit www.FamilyCollege.com
Notes David A. Bednar, “In the Strength of the Lord,” Ensign, Nov 2004, 76–78

I know we did better than our parents did with the knowledge we gained over time. Each generation can get better if we work at it. I believe my children will do better than we did if they study it out and work at it everyday. But we will all make mistakes and many of them, and to that I quickly say, that is what my Savior did for me, covered my mistakes and poor judgment.